Time flies when you're having fun.

APOLOGIES - I THOUGHT I HAD ACTUALLY POSTED THIS AT THE BEGINNING OF JUNE...

Holy crap, it's been a month since I got around to posting anything!

To be perfectly honest, the month has just whizzed by.  I'm not sure I have anything particularly insightful to offer you for stopping by, but I'll give you a run through of what we've been up to.

We went to May Long Weekend this year; the first time I've gone in a long time.  I should explain that this "event" has been going on for years, and involves a group of friends who get together every year on the May Long Weekend to partake in ridiculousness, debauchery and other activities.

And drinking.  Lots and lots of drinking.  And other stuff, but we don't need to go into all the details here.  There is generally some sitting around, playing a life-size game of Jenga, horseshoes, frisbee golf, card games, neggling (pounding a nail into a stump with the skinny side of a hammer - much more fun than it sounds), drunken sing songs but most importantly, the GAMES.  Every Saturday afternoon consists of games.  So the 40-odd of us split up into two teams (this year was Batman vs. Spiderman, complete with masks) and participate in whatever evilness Mike and Dan manage to come up with for that particular year.

I would like to point out that my team has never lost.  Just sayin'...

Anyway, this year the games were definitely up to par.  There was the team "dress your blow up doll" competition (your team had to blow up and dress a doll with the clothes they currently had on between them; yes, including underwear and bras), the team "let's all get joined together by a rope and run around and drink" game (can't remember the purpose or outcome of that one, but it was fun), the mystery food eat-off (face off against a member of the opposite team - first one to open and eat whatever was in front of them wins; folks that got the habanero pepper were in world of hurt and WHY wouldn't you just not eat that?), the human beer pong competition (see below) and I think there were other games after that but I seriously can't remember.

But I do know we won again!

Mystery Food Face-Off

Human Beer Pong

Life-Sized Jenga

So that was a great time.  Except as soon as we got home Husband ended up in the hospital with Pancreatitis due to too much fun.

He is fine now, though.

Then I promptly put my back out doing gardening.  Still in pain from that one.  It sucks getting old, but it is really my own fault.  And man, physio is EXPENSIVE.

I don't really have anything too insightful to post this time around.  I'm too f'n tired from having fun.  It's a sad truth, but I have to pace myself now.

Too much fun can have serious repercussions.

To all of my May Long Weekend friends - thanks for the good times and hospitality.  It was much appreciated.  And also for making up stupid games where I have to drink too much.  Great way to justify my ridiculousness.

I promise I will post something sooner and  more "cerebral" next time.  Just too hung over at the moment.

Time flies when you're having fun. :)

Be careful what you wish for...

Firstly, sorry.  It's been awhile.  Many things going on over the summer that sucked up all my time.  New job, house renos (no, not done, still a loooooooong way to go on that front), small man on summer vacation, planning dad's retirement/birthday party, camping and some days of generally feeling shitty.  I have to say, I have noticed my MS a lot more this summer.  I can't tolerate heat much at all anymore - it causes me to feel like I have the flu and get really run down.  So the heat and humidity as of late are killing me.  I am lucky, though, as I get to spend most of my days in an air conditioned office building.  Which is a luxury some people in my medical situation don't have.

Ok, so on to the subject of this post...

"Covet not what others have, for it may be a curse in disguise".  I have no idea where I first heard that.  But for some reason it has always been stuck in my brain.  I also have a vague recollection of a Star Trek episode, the moral of which was the same I think.  Anyway, for a lot of my life but especially since my son was born I have had a rule of never wanting to be someone else or have what someone else has or to have made different choices in my life that would have resulted in things being different now.  Sounds like I'm being morally superior?  Nope.  Completely selfish, really.  Read on...

The reason this all came up was awhile back someone mentioned in a conversation that they'd really like to trade places with someone else.  I couldn't help myself - I butted in and asked if that was really true.  Did they REALLY want to be that person?  "Sure," they said, "that guy has it all - good looking, great job, well paid, nice house, nice cabin, boat, hot wife, vacations twice a year, etc etc.  Why wouldn't you want to trade places?"

"Do you love your kids?" I asked.

"Of course!" they replied.

I pointed out that if they traded places with that person, then their kids wouldn't be their kids anymore.  In fact, if they traded places with that person, they wouldn't even know their kids existed.  Nor their spouse or their friends or their family.

They looked at me like I was crazy.

"No, I only want to have what they have, not actually BE them" they replied (still looking at me like I'm nuts).

"It doesn't work that way"  I said.  "They have what they have because of all the circumstances that got them to this point."

Again the crazy look...

I went on to point out that people are where they are, who they are, have what they have because of a combination of a billion things that lead up to where they are now.  Wishing for only part of that is just stupid.

We agreed to disagree on the subject.  Eventually.  But the one thing they still bring up every time I see them is that they are absolutely astounded that I really, truly do not want to be anyone else, have what others have, or change anything about my life.

Now don't get me wrong - I do covet things.  Like shoes.  And handbags.  And beaches.  But only because I like them, not because others have them.  On occasion, I do get jealous that others have advantages that I do not, and it irritates the hell out of me when stupid, lazy people get away with shit.  But I never want to trade places with others.  Ever.

So this had got me thinking - how many people actually DO wish they were someone else or had what others have?  Do they not understand how insane that is?  Maybe it's the scientist in me, but perhaps I can rid some folks of this ridiculousness by explaining why I feel the way I do.  And also point out why it's not some moral high ground I'm occupying by thinking this way; I'm just keeping the paranoia at bay...

A small part of it is that I am secretly afraid that if I wish something was different, one morning I will wake up and it will be.  And I will be powerless to change it back.  Yup, I'm a wee bit nuts.

But the other, larger part of it is that fundamentally I believe that you cannot wish for PART of something.  The guy who wanted what his colleague had... the colleague has what he has and is where he is in his life because of all the circumstances that got him there.  Sure, some people are "lucky" but really, it's an entire pathway that ended them up where they are.  Unless you want the entire pathway, you shouldn't wish for what they have.  Because you may not like some of the other things that go along with being that guy and having what he has...  some people go through a lot of crap in their lives that isn't visible from the outside.  I'll take the crap I know, thanks very much.  And some people aren't who they appear to be.  What if you wished to trade places with someone and they were secretly a psycho?

"The grass isn't always greener on the other side."  Seriously.  It's not.  They don't just say this shit for no reason.

I will admit there are times that I flop down in a quiet corner somewhere (usually the bathroom - the only place I get any privacy) and ponder how it is my life got itself into whatever state it is that I am bemoaning at the time.  But I never wish for it to be different.  Honestly.

I thought about wishing that I had made different career choices because if I had, there is a good chance I would be making a TON more money right now.  But what if I had made different choices?  What if I had taken something different in school?  Would I have made the friends I made?  Went travelling the world?

If I had a different job, I never would have met the wonderful friends I have made where I have worked.  I would have never moved to Kelowna - and I truly believe I would not have had my son.

If I had taken something different in school, would I have had to work at Costco to put myself through my second degree?

If I hadn't worked at Costco, I never would have met Christa.  We would never have been roommates.  And she never would have invited my future husband over to crash on our couch.

If I never met my husband, I would never have had my son.

There are a million other scenarios I have come up.  But the underlying theme is that if one teeny, tiny detail of my life had changed along the way, things might be completely different.

I have had the argument with people on occasion that take the counter-position of "well, you'd probably be perfectly happy with the life you ended up with because you wouldn't know any better."  Likely true.

But I DO know what I have now.  Would I gamble on having something better with the possibility (however slight) of ending up with something worse?  Not a chance.

To me, it's never about that.

If I had changed one thing about my life, there is a very real possibility that I would never of had my son.  The thought of that makes me want to rip my heart out because it hurts too badly to even THINK about that.

So I don't.

It's not just about my son, though.  It's about everything I do have.  Even MS.  What if I didn't get MS?  Sure, I'd like it very much if I didn't have this disease.  But if I didn't, would I have slowed down?  Taken better care of myself?  Paid more attention to my health and stress levels?  What if I didn't do that and it ended up causing me to be more sick - the kind of sick that cannot be managed with medication?  The "you end up dead" kind of sick.  Thanks, but I'll stick with the evil I know.  And yes, that is a righteous position to take considering I have a relatively lesser form of the disease as compared to some.  I see your "wow, what a sanctimonious bitch" card and raise you an "I'm not perfect so fuck off" card.

Where was I?

Oh, yes.  Ok, so I will admit the one thing I do wish for on occasion is NOT having eaten that extra cookie at work or skipping my workout.  Or buying shoes.  And I do wish sometimes that I had the willpower of certain people to do the things I regret not doing.  But then I go through the cycle of "what if I did have the willpower?  It would be something that would have affected who I am and where I'm at, etc...."

And down the rabbit hole you go...

So, the next time you're looking at someone and catch yourself wishing you had what they had, were who they were or that things in your life were different, remember that you are where you are because of a billion little things that got you to this point.  If you changed just one, you might not be who you are.  Would you risk that and potentially end up being some asshole?  Because I wouldn't be friends with you if you were an asshole.  Even if you had a boat.

Be careful what you wish for... :)