dickpants

I'm not sure what happens to men as they get older...

My husband is normally a kind, considerate, polite and thoughtful person.  But over the last year he has declared a sort of mini-war on stupid and impolite people.  Recently, though, this mini-war has escalated into a full-on assault.

I'm not sure where it all started.  I think it was an accumulation of too many years of working with people, combined with too many encounters with poor customer service and regular run-ins with really stupid people - and one day he snapped.

He went from being super polite and patient husband to "hey ladies - if you are going to stop and compare plastic surgery stories would you mind not doing it in the middle of the fucking aisle?  Some of us have better things to do with our days then wait for you to fucking MOVE!"  This was at Superstore.  He then proceeded to move their carts out of his way WITH OUR CART.  I, meanwhile, turned around and went the other way...

And you need to understand, I myself am not the most patient person, so when I think you've gone too far, it is likely that you have.

He was on his way to the sportplex with our son for skating and some guy in a sportscar cut him off, and then gave him the finger to boot. This unfortunate fellow then also proceeded to go to the sportsplex...  and, admittedly, this guy parked like an asshole, at the end and taking up a spot and part of the aisle (difficult to explain).  So my husband proceeded to block him in.  When they were done skating my husband walked my son over to the mall for lunch on purpose.  When they got back the guy had likely been waiting there for a couple of hours... Before the guy can say anything, my husband loads my son in the car, shuts the door (at least he told me he did) and then says to the guy, "yup, betcha didn't think anyone could park like more of a douchebag than you, did ya?".  Then he just leaves.

I told him he was lucky - the guy could have been a nutter or had a gun or something!  My husband said the guy was short, fat, bald and judging from the cost of the car, was likely compensating for something.  He also added that if the guy had been huge, he wouldn't have done it.  At least not with wee man in the car.  So not dumb, but still...

Once in awhile, this is actually very funny.  On a constant basis, it can grate on you.

So I have developed a retaliatory mechanism that is short, to-the-point, yet conveys my dissatisfaction with his behaviour in a non-confrontational way:

'dickpants'

It started out with me asking him if he had put on his "I'm going to be a dick today" pants everytime I thought he was going too far.

It has been shortened now to just me looking at him and calling him "dickpants".  Point made.

Unfortunately, this has spawned the equally popular (but not with ME) "bitchshorts".

Ahhhh compromise.  It's what makes our relationship work. :)